Well life has certainly been very strange lately.
I found out some pretty terrible news in April, about my best friend, and after that I slowly crumbled apart like blue cheese on a salad.
It's still very bumpy from time to time, but I finally feel like things are looking a lot better now. Sure there are some issues I'm having but for the most part I'm just tired of struggling so much with these same issues time and time again.
Mainly I'm concerned about Uni. I know I'm not doing well, and a teacher of mine pretty much confirmed it for me without outright saying it. So I constantly go back and forth between the pressure from my school to create "meaningful work", my self-pressure to do the same, and the other side of me that just wants to draw cute cartoon girls and enjoy creating again. Not that I don't enjoy creating something more "meaningful" if the right idea strikes....but then I shoot myself in the foot by not being able to follow through and fullfill what I began to do in that case. I think one of the core issues is the fact that I am too much of a perfectionist, not to mention stubborn. If I am not head over heels in love with an idea, then I will not pursue it. And unfortunately good ideas take lots of time, patience, and sometimes serendipity to present themselves.
My teacher told me to be sure that I have a lot of work done when second semester begins. So now I'm really feeling the pressure. But I know if I just step back and do some planning this goal is very doable.
The trouble is, I don't trust myself. If I create these girlish, cutesy drawings that one would consider, if art, art of the Lowbrow variety, then I fear my teachers and peers will kind of lose respect for me. Geez, that sounds completely ridiculous reading it like that. But I can't get my head around it.
This week has been pretty nice though. Chris took a week off of work for our 2 year anniversary, so we've been spending time together almost constantly. We saw Wicked, and it was really prettily done but not very interesting at all. The storyline was, let's just say, less deep and moving than The Little Mermaid. And about double the length. It was still very visually appealing though.
I saw my new counselor (for the time being) earlier this week, too. It was pretty good. He gave me a lot of advice, some that I found I could actually adopt. I get to see him again in two week's time. It'll sure stink when I'm out of Uni cause I'll have to pay to see a counselor then. But I think it's something I should do anyway.
It's past 3 am now and I should go to sleep. I'm going to try to update this dealy more often, it's pretty therapeutic!
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Maybe not...
OK, that wasn't it at all.
It is hot. It is SO DAMN HOT. And we have no AC, just two pedestal fans that are on so much that we'll probably end up shorting the entire building.
I am reminded of my last visit to Serbia, where it was so hot at that time that everyone took turns jumping into the shower to cool off. I am considering this right now, and I'd do it, save for the fact that there is no cold water. Filling our water fiter, I quickly realised the water on the cool end was in fact not cool at all.
I may or may not have stuck my head inside the freezer for a moment earlier. I recalled a scene in The Seven Year Itch where Marilyn's character tells the poor guy about how she sticks her undies in the icebox on hot days. I can't imagine how that would be anything but uncomfortable.
I eagerly tuned in to the weather report, only to find that it'll cool down about 10 degrees and then shoot back up. Oh, joy. I hate to be negative about it, but what with school a mere 2 weeks away, I'm praying for some relief here. I may have to use the emergency eye bath by the time I get to campus, to rinse all the sweat off.
There's so much I want to get done, too. For one, the apartment is in crippling need of a good cleaning. My first priorities when I got back were unpacking, then cleaning out the bathroom and kitchen, as they were both pretty bad. You should have seen the clump of hair in the shower drain. It gave me the damn willies. If I had been gone any longer, it may have grown in some eyes and developed a brain. So I got all that done, but then comes the worst part..cleaning MY stuff. and there is ever so much of it. The trouble is, when it's this hot, it is literally hard to move without breaking into an instantaneous sweat. At least Arizona had ducted air conditioning. lol stinkin Australia.
OK I need to go before I make myself further irritated. lol.
It is hot. It is SO DAMN HOT. And we have no AC, just two pedestal fans that are on so much that we'll probably end up shorting the entire building.
I am reminded of my last visit to Serbia, where it was so hot at that time that everyone took turns jumping into the shower to cool off. I am considering this right now, and I'd do it, save for the fact that there is no cold water. Filling our water fiter, I quickly realised the water on the cool end was in fact not cool at all.
I may or may not have stuck my head inside the freezer for a moment earlier. I recalled a scene in The Seven Year Itch where Marilyn's character tells the poor guy about how she sticks her undies in the icebox on hot days. I can't imagine how that would be anything but uncomfortable.
I eagerly tuned in to the weather report, only to find that it'll cool down about 10 degrees and then shoot back up. Oh, joy. I hate to be negative about it, but what with school a mere 2 weeks away, I'm praying for some relief here. I may have to use the emergency eye bath by the time I get to campus, to rinse all the sweat off.
There's so much I want to get done, too. For one, the apartment is in crippling need of a good cleaning. My first priorities when I got back were unpacking, then cleaning out the bathroom and kitchen, as they were both pretty bad. You should have seen the clump of hair in the shower drain. It gave me the damn willies. If I had been gone any longer, it may have grown in some eyes and developed a brain. So I got all that done, but then comes the worst part..cleaning MY stuff. and there is ever so much of it. The trouble is, when it's this hot, it is literally hard to move without breaking into an instantaneous sweat. At least Arizona had ducted air conditioning. lol stinkin Australia.
OK I need to go before I make myself further irritated. lol.
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